let's just put it this way: i've had so many nightmares this year of such awful, inspiringly horrible, and weird imagery, that in a way i wish i was still in film school so that i could exorcise that shit on some cellulose.

current typical example: "In today's nightmare someone cut 'LEFTHANDEDLY' around two different, separate fingers on my left hand, with a knife." all day i've been touching the middle joint on my middle finger and the base joint on my ring finger just to feel how they're not cut open, as if in some preparation for the day when they will be, so i can remember what they were like before. i could feel it in the dream. it hurt. it almost hurts now. they were crudely carved in letters (3/8") that would be too big to actually fit such a large word around a finger. the only way to see what it said was wipe away blood and look at the actual deep cuts, and closely look all the way around the fingers multiple times.

why would my brain show me this? is it some sort of arthritis message?

the kinds of body horror and nonsensical associations i experience most days would be prime fodder for experimental film. yeah, i know, "just do it." not that easy.

i do have some ideas though. first drafts at best, but there's some things going on up there besides nightmare distilling.